truth, laid bare

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It's a terrible thing

to realize you're not who you've always thought you were.

to live under the threat of a flood of tears that will
melt away the mask
and expose you.

to see the spindly cracks in the facade
ready to split wide
and leave you open.

to feel the heat of the impending derision and scorn

and wonder if there is enough grace
   to heal your hurt
   to cover your weaknesses
   to forgive your sins.
~~~~~~~~

Joe Fox asked the question, Do you ever feel you’ve become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora’s box of all the secret, hateful parts – your arrogance, your spite, your condescension – has sprung open? Yes I feel it, down to the depths of my dark heart.

Today the Pharisee in me - the one who grumbles that Jesus "receives sinners" (Luke 15:2) -  has gone quiet. For I can no longer escape the plight of my soul; I am a sinner. Yet, in nothing short of a miracle, Jesus has received me. And he has loved me to the end (John 13:1).

King David wrote, Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. (Psalm 139:6).

And in truth, I cannot.

~~~~~~~~

I cannot
  comprehend the fullness of his forgiveness
  measure the magnitude of his love
  compel myself to pray for faith to accept both;
I am not worthy
But I am his.

And hope springs eternal.

That He should bear with all their countless infirmities from grace to glory,—that He should never be tired of their endless inconsistencies and petty provocations,—that He should go on forgiving and forgetting incessantly, and never be provoked to cast them off and give them up,—all this is marvellous indeed! (source)

Comments

Camille said…
Truly beautiful, my friend. Thank you for writing and sharing your heart...it is a blessing. I like Robert Murray M'Cheyne's encouragement to "take one look at self and ten looks at Christ" (loosely quoted)....isn't it so true? We must fix our eyes on the Perfect One and rest our hearts there. What a precious Saviour we have! XOXO
May 19, 2016 at 11:29 AM
Suzanne said…
Thanks for sharing this, Melissa. It was so beautiful, I just had to share it over on Facebook as "the beauty of self-examination."
May 22, 2016 at 5:19 PM
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